I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
