How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
