Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
