I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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