Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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