haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
