i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
