I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
