yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
