From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
