How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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