If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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