Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
