i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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