something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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