I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
