More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
