too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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