Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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