Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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