I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
