My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
