I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
