ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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