i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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