loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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