I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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