so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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