OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
