Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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