her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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