I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize