just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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