i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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