He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
