Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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