Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
