I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
