Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drake has all the answers
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
