the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
