Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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