She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
