D3 body, D1 cock
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So many bounce houses so little time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
