I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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