Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
