In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
