I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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