Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
