so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
