The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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