He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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