Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
