I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
