Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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