I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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