We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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