I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
