Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
