dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my liver is dry heaving
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
