What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
