remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
