how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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