I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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