Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
