Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
