Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize