So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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