Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
