When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize