I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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