this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
