Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
