I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
