I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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