we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
