im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize