I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
