1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
