We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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