brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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