He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
