I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
