PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
