Can Purell be used as lube?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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