im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
