idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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