i may or may not be watching the land before time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
