She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
